It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
