sorry about calling you the devil all night.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
