my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Randomize
