"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Are we still banned from the library?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
