Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
