am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
