One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
