The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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