Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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