Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
This girl is more easily done than said...
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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