It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
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