when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
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new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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