I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
