he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
