Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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