well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
