next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
