I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
