Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
