Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
