he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
