I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
