1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
