I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Randomize
