if only i could text you this smell
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
