Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
