sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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