in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
