Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
