dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
