it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
