well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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