I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
he puts the penis in happiness.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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