You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
