mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
