THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
