We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
