once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
