It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
They have beer where we have blood.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
