party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
