hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
