We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
