it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
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