I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
worst night to have a conscience
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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