i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
