she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
