Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
