I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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