he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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