Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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