Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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