Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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