The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
