There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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