did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
