i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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