He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
