ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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