My first STD was from a foam party
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize