i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
