Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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