So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Randomize
