I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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