True but thats because hes a fetus.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
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I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
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My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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