If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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