i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
