The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
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Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
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If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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