Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize