I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
