Three words: puerto rican gang bang
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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