first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
