Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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