Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
you had me at cake vodka
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize
