Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
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