My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
