Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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